How to live with selfishness

Let it be sad, but the figures of modern statistics are such that most men in families turn out to be selfish. Who is to blame for this - his parents, who raised and cherished the narcissist or the wife who personally took the whole heap of family responsibilities on her shoulders immediately after leaving the Palace of marriage, leaving only a small and probably unburdened husband for the husband, and that he himselfsoul. However, even if your husband's egoism is the result of improper upbringing, hyperopeaching on the part of the parents, you still need to reap. What can you do if you are faced with a similar problem? How to live with an egoist?

To leave? By leaving, you absolutely can not prove anything to an egoist, , he will not even understand your motives for , but he will find himself a whim and a whim, and even he will be offended for leaving him alone. This is not a panacea and is not a way out of the situation, if a person is dear and in love. In addition, you can not go every t

ime you find faults in your relationship. After all, this is life, and ideal people exist only on the other side of the TV screen. In the real world, everyone will have the shortcomings of , each family has its own skeleton in the closet. One husband - an egoist, the second - a shovel and a rag, the third earns little, the fourth does not mind going to the left, etc. And it is not a fact that after throwing the first spouse, you will meet the next one, who will arrange you on all points - remember at least a fairy tale about a broken trough.

As a rule, people begin to live together already in their adult years, with a system of views, concepts and beliefs held. This person does not just prove anything , which is not part of his experience and is denied by personal reality, but to change his mind, to impose his will is almost impossible. For many years, he cherished, even unconsciously, this selfishness: parents, relatives, people around him. It started with an innocent "no, son, do not touch, my mother will give you everything herself", then they help him enter a good institute, then - find a job, buy a car for a wedding and give an apartment. Live and rejoice! After all, everything has already been done for you. And the person who is accustomed to consume, on another can not. Most likely your man will not change. Judge for yourself: a man lived with a certain system of value orientations for a long time, which suited him completely;he is used to this, and without that he can not, and if he can, he will no longer be the person you once knew. Think, is it necessary to change so much your spouse so that one morning you do not recognize him?

You need to change not the person, but his attitude to you and your family. If persuasion, tears, tantrums do not help, and they will not help, because he sincerely does not understand what is required of him, act with "heavy artillery".No, no scandals with the smashing of dishes and demonstrative care for my mother. Just use the same methods. Become a little bit like your spouse. You do not need to live by his interests, show that there are also yours. The egoist in fact even can not guess about their presence. Did he have weekly outings on nature with friends? Arrange yourself a shopping or sauna with your friends every Saturday. Husband bought doroguschy spinning? Buy new boots, make a haircut in an expensive salon or sign up for a foreign language course. You, too, can spend money from the family budget personally on your hobbies. Do you know the statement that you need to kick the wedge? Act based on popular wisdom.

If he treats you lightly, as if bestowing himself and his benevolence, turn the situation around. Love yourself, admire yourself, rest assured of yourself. And it will be as Woland said: "Never ask anything. They will give everything themselves. »

Mila Mikhailova for the female online magazine